Today I Failed
It wasn’t unavoidable but it was for the best. My miracle morning habit forming routine, that I am on day 29 out of 30, to get up at 0600 every day failed. One day before achieving my goal.
It hasn’t been easy goal, as a lifelong night owl, with an average bed time of 1am, to switch. In fact its been painful and extremely taxing to my willpower. I have thrown every reason and excuse at myself to not get out of my warm bed and for the last 28 mornings I have been up on my feet to greet every 6am. Every morning I have meditated, exercised, worked and increased my day with improved productivity, focus and satisfaction. I can see that becoming a morning person will, for me, change my life.
My decision today on day 29 should have sucked. And would have, if hadn’t consciously decided to be kind on myself, choosing to sacrifice what I wanted for something greater. So rather than go back to the beginning and restarting or even worse, quitting. I’ve counted today as a (necessary) blip.
It was a conscious choice after repeating schedules of four nightshifts, three manic dayshifts and another repeat cycle looming. No down time, little sleep, my head and body in chaos and exhaustion levels, well exhausted. The early life of bootstrapping a company and holding down a full-time job is not glamorous or enviable by any stretch of my imagination. And when my alarm went off at 0550 this morning even though I knew there was only two more days to win my goal. I choose happily to turn off the alarm and go back to sleep.
I awoke much later at 1300 and instantly that insidious cruel chat in my head turned in on itself. Words like excuse, always, failure, pathetic, weak, etc. were to be faintly heard. But I chose to take a different perspective and focus on the fact that sleeping like the dead for twelve hours and waking up, feeling that transparent faded version of myself was back in full block colour. This means my decision was the right one. It was not weak or a failure to look after my mental and physical health.
Now, I can continue with the goal renewed and keep going for another 30 days. Had I not rested I could have reached my goal. I could have dragged my sorry exhausted arse across the finish line and chalked it up to an achievement won but not to be attempted again.
Doing what you need to do for the best outcome means being kind to yourself and sometime flexible on the original plan. The checkpoint or goal is is not so enjoyable if you have killed yourself getting there and unable to get to the next one. Focus on the longer term goal means adjusting the path to ensure a holistic best outcome.
Tonight I will work my nightshift, I will cruise through 0600 and begin my next goal 30 days of 0530 knowing that despite what I have told myself for years, I can be a morning person after all. Sometimes small failures are a necessary part of a greater success.
